Audacious Vulnerability

“Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other

and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed.

James 5:16

“Let’s take off our masks.”

These were the words my friend directed towards me one morning nearly three years ago inside a little coffee shop in South Texas.

Confused, I sat quietly waiting for her to explain.

Then, in an awesome show of courage and humility, she started pouring out her story…right from the beginning…and I quickly understood that she was talking about the mask--the one most of us have but out of decency, never bring up in polite company.

I learned things about her that chilly November day that I never would have guessed. I laughed over parts of her story and cried over others. Sitting there in that coffee shop, she modeled something beautiful for me.

She modeled vulnerability.

If she were concerned with how I may perceive her, it sure didn’t keep her from diving right on in! She blazed a trail and invited me to join her on an adventure of truly getting to know one another.

Who actually does that anymore? Aren’t we all just managing our images?

Well…yeah. And it shows.

See, I had no idea how much I needed someone that I could be that real with. I needed it then and I need it now. We all do.

Is there a person, or group of people, in your life that you trust enough to be gut-level honest with? People who know you and love you, that aren’t afraid to call you out when it’s needed--but are also unwaveringly celebrating your wins and coming alongside you in your defeats?

I’m talking about people that you take off the mask for; that you share the cringe-worthy stuff with and they don’t flinch?

This is called community.

If you have it, you’re blessed beyond measure.

If you don’t, you’re hungry for it.

By God’s design, we’re meant for this type of deeper connection. Yet, I would argue that most of us operate on a level not much deeper than the surface within most of our relationships.

Our souls are starving for deeper, authentic connections…yet we’re settling for counterfeits.

Online followers do not equate to actual friends that will get down in the trenches with you.

Digital communication, though convenient, can’t replace a warm hug and a thoughtful visit.

Small talk doesn’t bring the healing that soul talk can.

So what’s holding us back?

Our schedules run us and things like nurturing friendships and cultivating new ones get pushed to the margins.

We fear rejection and/or carry distrust from former relational hurts.

We’re overly concerned with our images.

We fight feelings of unworthiness and comparison.

And sometimes, our hearts have become so hardened (usually because of our own unresolved trauma; pain that isn’t transformed gets transferred) that we develop this sort of indifference towards others; failing to appreciate the gift of connection enough to muster up the effort.

As someone who's worked in PR for several years, learning how to guide and control the narrative is part of the job. I'd offer that, so often, this is what we're doing off the job and in our own personal lives though, as well. We're crafting a narrative and protecting our carefully-curated brand, beyond just our digital presence and into our "real life" relationships.

I don't think this is something we necessarily do intentionally from a manipulative place...but it's becoming the default in our culture. And though it isn't wise to give everybody and their Mama backstage access to our life, it's healthy to have those that we do.

So how can we steward our relationships in more authentic ways?

In marriage counseling, we learned the following:

INTIMACY = “Into Me See”

This refers to being “fully known and fully loved”. In all reality, only God can fill that special role. He knows our hearts even better than we do.

But how beautiful—and challenging—to aspire to that in our closest relationships, like our marriage? But even to create that atmosphere and hospitality of heart within our friendships, relationships with our children, and others? Sincere engagements that lead with humility, welcome with grace and cover with love.

If we know who we are in Christ, and it’s made the connection from mere theological knowledge to really rooting itself in our heart, laying the firm foundation upon which we stand, then we know that though people can hurt us with their words and actions, they never get to define who we are or determine our worth.

Jesus’ blood already settled that.

We were made for community; we need one another. The body of Christ is so much more effective when our connections aren’t stunted with inauthenticity. The enemy knows this also, which is why he attacks relationships and baits people into isolation.

How much stronger and healthier could we be if we were purposeful about cultivating honest community; those that we can do both the messy parts of life with and the neat & pretty? What impact could this have on how we show up for our people that the Lord has entrusted to us, like our spouse and children?

I want to challenge us all to pray for courage and humility to be audaciously vulnerable in our relationships! And to seek out and cultivate the kind of community that is God-honoring and life-giving.

I believe there is freedom and healing to be had in allowing the Lord to peel back the layers of our heart, tend to what needs tending to, and then being willing to show up authentically with others—and giving them the gift to do the same.